We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
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Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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