No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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