i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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