Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
