the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
