you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
