No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
