the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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