I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
