she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize