your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
