I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
