i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was like eating out sand paper
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
