I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was like eating out sand paper
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
