I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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