ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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