I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
