It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
