My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
