i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
