I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
