I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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