The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
