I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
