hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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