I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Randomize
