According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
