he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
