My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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