how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
