i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
