My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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