It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
party gras won. party gras always wins.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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