for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
