I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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