it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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