Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
