Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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