I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
