You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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