Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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