He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
