Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm getting married
To pizza
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
