It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't think brook has ever known best
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize