i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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