i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
