I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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