This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
