Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
