I just made out with a guy for $7.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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