Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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