I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
