Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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