I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
