I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
