I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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