the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
