the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
