it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
whose parrot is this?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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