goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
