I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize