I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Barsexuality is the new black.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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