I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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