Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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