and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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