You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish you could order shots online.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
