I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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