so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
