She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
