I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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