The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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